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Last year I posted this discussion and I would like to revisit " How Important is the Groom and his family when planning a wedding"

As a Wedding Planner I often hear "The wedding is all about the bride and what she wants" What do you think and what do you do to make sure that the groom and his family does not feel left out?
For the past couple of years grooms are becoming more involved in the wedding planning process prior this process I noticed that there was alot more anamosity and hurt feelings on the side of the Grooms family. So I decided to change how I did things so that I could make the entire process of planning a wedding less stressful .During my first consultation I require that both bride and groom are present and the only ones in attendance are the bride and the groom why?? Because they are the two getting married I also do this so that I can get a true feel for both the bride and the groom.  Prior to our initial consultation they are both given a questionnaire(I am not talking about your traditional run of the mill bridal/client profile you download from somewhere) it goes in dept as to what they both really envision their wedding to be and guess what? The bride is not always the one who likes yellow and wants the fairy tale wedding.

So again Wedding Professional and Brides what do you do to make sure the groom and his famliy does not feel like the unwelcome guests at his wedding?

Tags: Brides, Detroit, Grooms, In-laws, Planner, Wedding, and

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Lisa this is great advise. Lets all give a little love to the grooms!
I have seen the grooms taking a larger interest in the photography as well. From picking plans to what and how they want to be photographed.
While I agree that it is about the couple and it's not just the brides day I thinking forcing the groom’s involvement by requiring that they both be there is not necessarily the best approach. Due to work schedules it might be hard to schedule a time that works for both of them. Or if the groom is just lacking a general interest in the details it may be hard to get him to devote an hour or so to a consultation. This could result in the couple seeking planning services from someone that is more accommodating. So my suggestion would be to "strongly suggest" that both be there, but not make it a requirement.

Also, excluding parents, especially if they will be paying for the majority of the wedding, can be tricky. While it is about what the couple wants, it's also about what the parents are willing to pay for. I think that if they are going to be very involved in the planning process they should be there from the initial consultation to make sure everyone’s on the same page from the start.

I think as the trend shifts from the bride's parents paying for the entire wedding to couples paying for the majority of their own wedding you'll naturally see more involvement from the grooms and whoever else is contributing since it's now their money that's being spent. I don't think it needs to be a forced strategy of getting the groom more involved.
The topic of this discussion is "How important is the Groom and his family when Planning a wedding?" if a groom is willling to devote his entire life to his bride then he is also willing to take time to make sure that all of his and his family's wishes are taken into consideration during the planning.

In the beginning we did "strongly suggest" " that both be there" however most times it still ended up being the future bride and a friend or someone else being there detailing what they wanted for the wedding and then months later changing details because the groom did not like something that the brides friend or someone else had suggested.This way when both the future bride and groom are present it is a crystal clear understanding regarding what their needs, wants and expectations are.

This is why they are given a very detailed questionnnaire that I personally created as to what their wants,needs and expectations are and what the wants,needs and expectations are including family,ethnic, cultural, and religious traditions of the families involved as well as the budget.

When it comes to my clients and prospective clients they find out very quicky that my company goes above and beyond to accomodate their needs and their families needs if I have to schedule a consultation at 10 p.m. because of their work schedule it will be done.

Over the past 10 years their has been a 72% increase in couples paying for their entire weddings in the event that I am working with a client whose has someone elses contributing to or paying full cost of their wedding they are also taken into consideration after I meet with the bride and groom during this initial consulation I will find out and know who is paying for what, I will know how much or how little their outside opinions will matter during the planning process . After this meeting when they return with their parents or whomever else is contributing to the cost of the wedding they will know exactly where their money is going and all of the time not only have the parents agreed to the wants they are extremely happy because we have saved them money.

I worked with a client that was American and the Groom was Indian they interviewed several planners before choosing our company a few of the reasons they chose our company we knew alot about the Indian culture and we knew that the cow is holy and that all over India they did not eat cow however this was something the bride nor did her mother know and because I asked specific quetions on my questionnaire the groom put this as one of his answers as a result his FMIL did not have steak as one of the menu choices at the reception that she was paying for and she did not offend his entire family that does not eat beef.

So cleary understand nothing I do is a forced strategy to get the groom involved however it is a strategy of peaceful and smart planning once a groom becomes engaged he is completely involved because like the bride and her family the groom and his family has responsibilties as well. Most of the time the groom has to hear it from a neutral source before he fully undestand and take full control of what is expected of them and their family. As a result I have seen beautiful wedding gifts, heard beautiful suprise serenades, read amazing vows, as well as received beautiful thank you letters from the grooms, grooms parents and families just for making sure that they are taken into consideration and making sure that their voice is heard as little or as much as they felt comfortable with during the initial consultation and wedding planning process.

My brides are very grateful I do this because it takes away most if not all of the questions they have when it comes to their future husband and his family's expectations when it comes to planning a wedding.
Most of the weddings I plan, the grooms are very much involved. They should be involved. It is their special day too. Both families, bride and groom, have certain parts of the wedding planning process that they are responsible for. This makes it special for everyone, and no hurt feelings.
The best weddings are always a reflection of the couples. Anytime the groom is involved in the process, it only adds to the intimacy and unique feeling that comes from a celebration about two people joining in matrimony. Weddings that reflect the couple and not just the bride are always more enjoyable for all involved. As a professional, it's our job to draw out the personality of the couple to create an event that truly reflects their union. Listening it ESSENTIAL. Observe the couple. Spending quality time with the couple (not necessarily quantity time, but quality time) is crutial too. Asking questions is very important as well. However, if a groom doesn't want to be involved, that's their preference, and as professionals we do what our client wants - ultimately what makes THEM happy. So forcing the groom to be involved is a no-no, so I encourage brides to just simply work with what they have, keep it simple and keep their stress level down, ensuring they enjoy the planning process AS MUCH as their special day.
I have a question. What is the expectation these days of the bride and the groom's families, as to who pays for what?

Amy
Thanks for your response. Very nicely put. I do appreciate it as we are dealing with this issue right now with our son's wedding.
Hi Amy,

If you would like a detailed list of what the expectations of the Groom and his family are I would suggest reading Chapter 4 "What's a Groom to do? "of " Wedding Ettiquette" 5th Edition by Emily Post . If you are a Wedding Planner this is a great book to purchase for your library of resouces if not you can also get this book at the library to save on cost.
Thanks for the information. I appreciate it....We are mainly dealing with a family who doesn't want to pay their fair share for their daughter's wedding, but I believe still wants to be a part of it. I just was curious of what the expectations were today. I realize since I got married things have changed.

Thanks again....I appreciate the info!
Great advice!! Thanks for all of your input on this topic I really appreciate it!!
Good advice....I am trying to make it work regardless of the money issue on the bride's side. I do not want to start off on the wrong foot from the very beginning.... That surely isn't the best way to go. We just need to sit down and work within the budget we know we have now....

Thanks again...

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