How to deal with an indecisive bride?

Wedding pros! I'm looking for some guidance on this issue. I have a bride who just can't seem to make a decision on ANYTHING. I give her my professional advice on her questions/concerns (a few examples are what wedding colors to choose and should I include so-and-so in my bridal party), but she wants me to tell her what to do. It's not my wedding!

Any advice/suggestions?

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Permalink Reply by Natalie Beckman on July 28, 2010 at 1:31am

I so agree with High Society Event Planning and Joyce Perlman "Know your clientele" one of the cardinal rules in wedding planning. Another important point to note is that you should acknowledge that at some point you may not be the right planner or person to help them in the way they need to be helped. If you do not have that "chemistry" or click with your bride sometimes that may influence some of the of the indecision. I think one of the main things is to find that "elusive balance" where you set boundaries but allow the bride the freedom to express what she feels. Everyone knows that weddings are "emotional" and that most of the decisions are made when they are in this state. Depending on the bride though, some of them need to be gently guided to at least narrow down their choices as this is their first time and with the media (ie magazines,blogs etc) bombarding them from every angle - I often try to remind brides the reason this is all happening in the first place; and that the wedding should be an intimate reflection of what you both share and to never lose sight of the bigger picture.

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Permalink Reply by Laverne Berry on July 28, 2010 at 12:22pm

When dealing with indecisive people in general you have to #1 present VERY FEW options, #2 give them deadlines on decision making and #3 Make some decisions for them, but allow them to see why that decisioin will be best. If you come across as unsure or leave any room for more options they will continue to be indecisive. Some indecisive people just need to know why one option is the best out of all the other options. You will have to maintain some level of control (because these type of people are unsure of their judgement when it comes to decision making) without coming across as pushy, as well as not allowing them to get you caught up in their tangled web of "indecisive madness." :-)

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Permalink Reply by Kathy Martin, PhD on July 30, 2010 at 12:13pm

I am a huge believer in the personality quadrants. She is probably a main personality of the "harmonizer" quadrant and wedding planners are usually of the "organizer" quadrant first. Harmonizers can see all sides of everything and have a tough time making decisions. So helping her along with "that would look great" or "that would really work" conversation might help.

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Permalink Reply by COLLEZIONE FORTUNA FASHION BOUTI on August 3, 2010 at 12:48pm

Set a limit on how much time you will meet with your Brides at their appointment. Time restraints are important...do they want to play, steal ideas, or are they serious? Some Brides will return many times and try the same gowns over and over again and still can't decide. This always causes my "antennas" to wire into their intentions.

You can politely ask her why she is having a difficult time deciding....but keep an open mind to her reply.

Some Brides you have to "let go" and not pursue and devote your time to other potential sales. If she returns again..ask her if she made up her mind....

Other suggestion-ask them what gowns have they tried on already and what they like and do not like about them. ALL Brides shop around. You can't carry everything in the Bridal Magazines. They have to understand too..you cannot just order a gown "just to try it on"...this costs money. Offer to take a deposit-half to cover the cost of the gown..if she doesn't like it when it arrives she has lost it....Bridal is special order and costs money..mostly the Vendors...

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Permalink Reply by A Thank You Favor on August 6, 2010 at 7:00pm

She is probably afraid her decisions will ruin her wedding. Ask what is her favorite color, then choose 4-5 shades in that color. Ask her to pick a favorite, then move on to another topic. Go with what she likes and give her some choices. Eventually she will relax and have a great day.

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Permalink Reply by Sonya Tisdel on August 14, 2010 at 7:13pm

I have this issue when it comes to pinning down an appointment for a makeup trial. A lot of times, it seems that they're listening to everyone, except themselves. I'm currently dealing with an indecisive bride. I've been trying to book a date for her makeup trial for the last 3 weeks and it's like pulling teeth! She's a referral from another MUA who happens to be a great friend, so that's why I'm letting it go for as long as I have. Her wedding is next week and we have yet to come up with a look for her. She's allowing her bridesmaids to tell her what they will not do and it's making her question the decision to hire a pro makeup artist.

This actually happens a lot. I've never understood how you will pay 8 grand for a dress, 15 on flowers, 20 on food/venue and then want to pinch pennies when it comes to you looking your best. You cannot get quality makeup & hair for 6 at $300. But, I digress...

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Permalink Reply by Julia Hewitt on November 19, 2010 at 3:02pm

Brides who cannot make decisions are operating on their fear of not having a good wedding, or it won't look right and possibly do not feel deserving of this amazing experience and all the attention. They need to feel heard and then reassured that everything is going to work out beautifully. That is what we are here for to help them find that inner peace and strength. Show up and be present and happy. If you can find a way to let her know she is being heard you will have half the battle conquered.

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Permalink Reply by Sequena Luckett on November 20, 2010 at 7:48pm

Trust me I have dealt with several indecisive brides they can drive the professionals crazy. But whatever you do don't let her see you sweat. Give her your opinion, don't give her too many choices this confuses her even more, give her time frames to make a choice. These can help her a lot. She's looking for you to help guide her thru. Just be patient with her but make sure you are firm with her this way you're not running in circles with her but actually getting somewhere. I hope this helps.

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Permalink Reply by Larry James on February 1, 2011 at 3:15pm

By all means, if she want's you to TELL her what to do, do it. You are the Professional. She is depending upon you for advice. I usually give several options and let them know my preference based upon their personality, etc. There are so many options for having a wedding ceremony go smoothly. I am an award winning wedding officiant and time is of the essence regarding a decision from them to hire me, otherwise someone else may book the date. I let them know that only a deposit secures the date. After the initial interview, they have 5 days to make a decision. In the meantime, if someone else calls for their date, I let them know that I will call them for a decision - giving them the "first right of refusal." After that I will release the date to someone else.

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Permalink Reply by COLLEZIONE FORTUNA FASHION BOUTI on February 12, 2011 at 12:38pm

I know how you feel...I have been dealing with the most indecisive Brides all week. Some are extemely rude and appreciative. I have been very honest in giving opinions when they ask, to the point my opinion is I think costing me a sale when I have a sale. I am ready to tell them EVERYTHING LOOKS JUST GORGEOUS ON YOU..NO MATTER WHAT..and let them get the gown and let them worry about that later. I

have worked with Brides that have gone thru the expense of already looking for another dress "just in Case" and have already spent a lot of money on a "back up" dress which they can't return. Don't they realize if they buy another dress they can't return it either???

I need some help here!!! Thanks, Cathy, www.collezionefortuna.com

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Permalink Reply by Janis Flagg on November 27, 2011 at 2:19pm

I designed a questionnaire that uses word associations and phrases that I have the bride and the groom answer. They answer the questions from the perspective of themselves and the guests when thinking about the wedding and also the reception. I'm actually thinking of selling is as a planning tool because so many people have asked about it. 8) One of the pages is entitled "My Biggest Worries Are:"

The topics primarily are about ambience, activities, and looking back from the future...how they want to remember their day. It really helps them focus and a side benefit is that the groom gets involved and often has some amazing ideas!