New Jersey Wedding Reception

I'm going to try to ask this as simple as possible because I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and not having much, if not any luck.

My fiance and I have been putting pieces together for our wedding - which we picked a date for on November 11th, 2011. I've researched many sites for a checklist, the essentials, the average pricing, the differences that's in a wedding package, etc. We have everything pretty much mapped out. I'm concerned about finding a reception banquet. I've read a reception hall only allows you to book the site with a fee and everything else is seperate whereas the reception banquet gives you a set fee for everything that they can include/offer. And I know the later that I wait to find a place, the higher sometimes in price it does go.

I've been on the prowl for about a year and a half looking for places, booking appointments, asking repeated questions, and still coming up empty handed. I'm by no means being picky, but I'm not sure how to go about finding a place. And it's kind of a bummer because I have six female friends who are all marrying this year also and found a place right off the bat whereas I've been planning for about four years with no avail and they're pretty picky compared to me. It's a little hard also because I'm the only one really looking and at times feel like I'm going to end up marrying myself.

My question is how do I go about finding a right reception hall/banquet, ie: in a search engine? The yellow pages doesn't offer much in the area of New Jersey that I live in. What sort of questions should I ask that will help me figure out if this is the right place or not, because I see photo's, I go to the place and think it would be perfect, and then after a discussion with the future husband realize it's just a pipe dream. I've tried explaining to him that even a simple, small wedding is going to cost at least $10,000 (the cheapest I've found and it didn't include the alcohol or food was $9,800.00). Our budget isn't much, $7,000 so I'm not expecting something glitzy and glamorous. I've opted for a VFW, a Lodge, and a Firehouse all of which I've contacted by e-mail and phone with a response they will get back to me with no luck; and around here, they meet you based by an appointment. How do I go about wording e-mails if a phone call isn't possible?

I'm clueless.