Developing into Roles of Married Partners

In my studies I've found this article to be very informative and detremental to the engaged couple. It helps the newlywed or engaged couple to take the act of marriage seriously. Too many marriages end in divorce this article will put things into perspective aside from marriage counseling which i recommend to anyone who is planning to take that walk down the aisle. You may think you know your partner but when put in a situation where other things are brought to light, you then can understand your mate or realize if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Shairon Goins

Client Specialist


In a marriage, the role changes are sometimes obvious, sometimes

subtle. A man goes from being a fiancé, son, and friend to being a

husband, head of the household, and son-in-law. A woman, likewise,

becomes a wife and daughter-in-law and assumes a new and changing

role in the household. Each may also assume the role of parent or

stepparent. With each relationship and role, there are pitfalls and opportunities to make or break a marriage.No two people, no matter how much in love they are, can slide into a marriage without adjustments. Even those couples who have been living together before marriage find they must make adjustments, because marriage is not the same—psychologically—as living together.

A Time of Discovery

The first months, and even years, of marriage should be a time of discovery

and deepening affection, if each partner learns to compromise.

A wife who overlooks the fact that her husband is kind, understanding,

compassionate, and a competent breadwinner to criticize the fact

that he doesn’t clean the sink after shaving should focus on his strong

points. Likewise, the husband who fails to compliment his wife’s cooking

skills or appreciate her skill closing a business deal, but notes the

growing ironing pile, is also focusing on that one minor fault. The

examples just given aren’t offered as an excuse for allowing minor

irritations to continue, but to illustrate the importance of emphasizing

the positive.

Before marriage, each person works to show his or her best side. If a

man or woman were asked to find flaws in the intended marriage

partner, he or she would—in most cases—be hard pressed to do so.

Each person is looking for—and finding—the other’s good points.

At the same time, in courtship, each person works to do those little

things that cause love to grow—a small gift of flowers, a

hug, or a box of chocolates

After the wedding, each person can forget to concentrate on the good

points. Instead of seeing the good, a spouse tends to find and concentrate

on the flaws. The small gifts no longer appear. The hugs are replaced

by cold shoulders. Those who couldn’t wait to be in each

other’s arms sleep back to back, without even a goodnight kiss. It

takes a positive effort to counteract these negative behaviors and to

keep a good marriage going strong.

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