Excerpt from "Knot So Funny"

There are several categories of potential wedding guests. In each category, there are people you would actually like to have at the wedding and there are people you wish you did not even know. Here are the categories:

• People who MUST be invited: This includes the wedding party, family members, close relatives, lifelong friends and people who will give very expensive gifts. You will want to go heavy on that last one.
• People you would LIKE to invite: This might include ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends, the hot personal trainer from the gym, fun people the bride’s father knows but that have no other connection to the bride and groom, and celebrities like Oprah and Ellen.
• People who EXPECT to be invited: This includes pretty much everybody you or any of your family or friends or acquaintances knows, has ever met, or has heard about. Plus, a fair number of total strangers with no connection to you whatsoever. Generally, these people fall into two types: 1) those that want to be invited and will come to the wedding, and 2) those that want to be invited but would never, ever consider actually coming.
• People in the WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM: They still want to be invited, but it’s tricky. If you have their address, it kind of defeats the purpose of the program. Unfortunately, in New Jersey, this category often includes many of  the relatives and friends of one or both families.

The first iteration of the guest list will likely look something like what was gathered in the last census. Only this list will be more complete and accurate. Because, this first list is usually compiled by combining the lists from the bride’s and groom’s mothers. Added in at the last minute will be a handful of people the bride and groom actually know.