It's Not Your Wedding!!!

The other day Eric (my husband) and I were sitting on the sofa watching "Say Yes to the Dress". He will totally get me for that when he reads this, LOL. But any how... as we were watching the show, we looked at each other like "is this really happening?" The Bride was a complete reck and in tears because she had fallen in love with a dress she had tried on weeks ago, hadn't stopped thnking about the dress since she first laid eyes on it but continued shopping for a wedding dress because her mother insisted "the dress my daughter tried on that day just wasn't the one!"

 Really..... Ummmm... But wait, did she really just say that?!?!

  We were in complete disbelief! And while trying to stop myself from screaming at the television, Eric said to me "you have to blog about this" and so I am!

 I hear and see situations like these a lot. You get all types of moms when your planning their daughters Wedding. Happy mom, emotional mom, angry mom, controlling mom, and although it many not seem like it at the time, it is coming from a good place, trust me. If they didn't care they would just choose to not involve themselves at all! Now don't get me wrong, I am not trying to give moms an excuse for acting this way or treating their daughters or future daughter in laws this way because I definitely do not approve of treating someone like this. But what I am trying to do is explain both sides, the Bride and the mom, so that at the end of this blog the Bride will stand tall and firm with her decisions and feelings and the mom will understand and step back into her role of being a mom! 

 Believe it or not back in the day it was the role of the mother to plan her daughters Wedding. They took care of all the details and the Bride just went with it and only had the job of showing up to the Wedding! But with that tradition far gone, moms need to realize that planning their daughters Wedding for starters isn't their opportunity to plan the Wedding they wished they always had, it's not the time for emotional mom to cry over everything her daughter decides she wants in hopes that they will change your mind, and it's not time for angry moms to use your wedding as a weapon if your parents happen to be divorced.

 Planning a wedding is a very special time in your life, it's a once in a lifetime experience (we hope) and moms need to stand by their daughters and respect their daughters decisions. And I will take this opportunity to say that is isn't always the moms fault. Brides are very emotional during the process of planning their wedding. They want everything to be perfect and they want their wedding to turn out they way they have always dreamed it would, they only waited _ _ years to plan this one special day, I think they're entitled. But a lot of Brides look to mom for help, many want moms opinion, and many want to grant their parents wishes in planning this day.

 This is where I feel that things usually go wrong.

 When planning an event in your life that is this important to both you and your soon to be husband you want to make these types of decisions between YOU and YOUR soon to be husband. There's nothing wrong with asking someone their opinion AFTER you and the groom have talked it through and made your own personal decisions. But always remember what they say when there are too many cooks in the kitchen... Well, the saying is correct... It does spoil the soup! So my personal advice would be to pick and choose who you include in this planning process. 

 Another factor which I feel is very important in this type of situation is your budget. If you are trying to stick to a budget, but you have mom telling you "do this"..."do that", well I hope mom is planning on covering costs for these things. But let me explain what I mean, if mom is covering costs that does not mean that she can plan your complete wedding. What I mean is that if mom is assisting you with the planning and is either coming up with ideas or choices that she wants incorporated into the wedding but these choices increase costs, mom should either be covering those costs or mom should be thinking of cost effective ways to help you stay within your budget. These are things that should be discussed before the planning even begins. You want to know your complete budget, who and how much is being covered if anyone is helping you with wedding costs, and you want to know who will be assisting you with the planning (ex. a wedding planner, mom, friends, etc). I feel that these steps in the planning process help to create balance if they are the first decisions made. As a Bride, it's about being assertive, diplomatic and knowing how to speak to your mom so that she understands where you are coming from with the choices you have made or want for your special day. And please don't confuse assertive with "Bridezilla" because that is not what I mean at all. You get no where treating people in that fashion. Just speak strongly about what you feel, express yourself, and everything should flow the way you hoped it would.

 I love seeing family and friends help Brides plan this special day. It's sweet and it really shows how much they care to be by your side during such an important time in your life. But I will say that this should come effortless. It shouldn't be something you have to beg for and it shouldn't be something you end up regretting.

 Work together and enjoy the moment. For these are the moments that you can't get back, so make them count!