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The Fine Art of Toasting

The toast is a centuries old tradition that began in France in the early 1500s to wish the couple well. So where did the name ‘toast’ come from? Actual toast – yes the piece of bread that you have dried out through heating – was placed in the bottom of the glass to absorb impurities in the wine.

At weddings, newlyweds were expected to drink from the same cup and then pass it to their families and finally the guests. Each person took a sip and the person who took the last sip got to eat the toast at the bottom of the cup. Back then this was considered quite an honor. Yum! Happily the tradition has been modified over the years but the desire for family and friends to offer wishes for a happy life together has remained with us.

There are several opportunities for toasts to be given – one at the rehearsal dinner and the second at the reception following the wedding ceremony.

The rehearsal tends to be more relaxed since everyone there has a close tie to the couple. The host – usually the Groom’s father – typically leads off the well wishing. Others are then invited to add their comments and hopes for happiness for the couple. There is no particular order of toasting or need for specific people to speak. At the rehearsal toasts can be more informal, a little longer and include glimpses into your personal relationship with the Bride and Groom.

At the wedding reception the goal is to keep the party moving and the focus on the celebration. The Best Man traditionally makes the first toast and is usually followed by the Maid of Honor. Though not required, the father of the bride generally offers one of the most touching moments of the reception as he relinquishes his little girl to her new life – no pressure dad.

Seven Do’s and Don’ts of Successful Toasting

Do Keep your remarks brief – 3 to 4 minutes. Remember people would probably prefer to be dancing or chatting rather than listening to a long-winded speech.
Don’t drink too much before you make your toast. A tipsy toaster often makes guests feel uncomfortable and your attempts at humor may not amuse.
Do keep embarrassing details about the couple or their families to yourself. Remember parents and grandparents are listening.
Don’t fill your toast with ‘insider’ references that the majority of the guests will not understand. The goal of your remarks is to bring people together to celebrate the couple. Secret experiences you shared with the Bride or Groom won’t do this.
Do talk about the special bond between the Bride and Groom and what makes their love one that will last.
Don’t expect to make off-the-cuff remarks. If you prepare and practice your toast well in advance, then you will deliver your best wishes with confidence.
Do end your toast by raising your glass in the air and saying something like, “Here’s to Heather and Mark. May their life together always be filled with the joy and happiness they feel today.” This will signal to the guests that they need to pick up their own glasses and toast the couple.

A Few More Toasting Hints

The Bride’s name is always mentioned first. Traditionally the guests would rise, clink their glasses with people nearest to them and then drink to the Bride and Groom. Today, guests often remain seated.

For good luck, toasts are made with wine or champagne – though sparkling juice is often substituted for those who cannot have alcohol.

Try to make your toast standing close to the Bride and Groom so the photographer can capture the moment. Check with the DJ or band to see if a hand-held mic is available.

The Bride and Groom may also choose to offer a toast to each other either immediately following the toasting or after they cut the cake. Bring out the hankies since the emotion and joy of their wedding day often bubbles to the surface like Champagne.

Here’s to Love

Bonnie Phelps