To PreMarital Counsel or Not to PreMarital counsel... that is the question

The Word is....
June 2013 edition

I totally agree with and recommend pre marriage counseling. Now, I know there are many people and couples who feel they do not need others telling them how to feel or act in a relationship. We are adults right?! However, Counseling may address feelings, ideas or concepts about yourselves that may stem from other relations, beliefs, myths, etc. that may cause issues in your marriage later. If you love your partner but they have this thing they do that gets under your skin...consider counseling, please.

Or (my not so favorite response)... I have been married before. Um... can we say that should be your first hint? Now, I am not saying marriage counseling, pre or post, works for everyone, but my thought is if a few hours or sessions could possibly give you the tools you need to have a successful marriage, wouldn't it be worth it? Still not convinced? Then do it for the money. Yes, pre-marital counseling gets you a $32.00 discount off the cost of your marriage license in Florida!
If you came from a family where divorce, abuse, or dysfunction was prevalent, marital counseling will give you options and tools to succeed in your marriage that you may not have ever been exposed to. Seriously, what would you have to base your ideal marriage on? Our first thought is to not be like our parents or friends, but if that is what you have been around, what example do you use to guide you?

Counseling myths:

• Marital counseling does not make you a failure or give you a bad status. It shows quite the contrary: that you take your marriage seriously and have every intention on keeping your vows.
• Not all pre-marital counseling has to be spiritual or religious. This is one of the main factors of couples skipping out on it.
• You can go to a local family therapist and get counseling without religion. You may pay more for your session so be prepared.

Some suggestions:

• Perhaps you can try this: have a romantic picnic lunch and over dessert, ask each other 5 questions, 1 question at a time. They have to be things that matter to you in the long run. Have a loving friendly discussion about the responses.
• Or make it a kind of game: put little cards with questions in little spots around the house and each person has to answer the question they find in writing. Use different colors so they don't get mixed up and leave the answers where the question was found. This way the other does not have to risk faking an answer for fear of immediate disapproval.

A popular tool most pre-marital providers use is the one thing question: What is the absolute one thing your partner could do to make you want to divorce them?... I will leave you with that.

• Talk candidly with long term couples ask for their advice (if they still appear to be happy). Even couples who have always been together, 30,40,50 years have had their moments. See how they worked through those times, it may be something you can apply in your own relationship or marriage. Stay away from single advise.

And lastly, Be the type of person you want to marry.

You can visit www.myorangeclerk.com for a list of court approved premarital providers in the local area.As an added bonus you will save money on the cost of your marriage license in the state of Florida.

by Sheri Thomson