Wedding Week Do's and Dont's for the Mother of the Groom

You are sitting in the right-hand pew looking at your soon to be daughter-in-law. As she begins to say her vows, she glances your way. What do you see as she looks into your eyes? Is it adoration and gratitude over becoming part of your family, or does she quickly look away, unwilling or not wanting to make eye contact with you?

Hopefully, you aren't really in the church quite yet nor has the big day already come and gone. Ideally, when reading this article, you are at least one week away from the day your son marries the woman to whom he is committing himself and his life.

Unfortunately, as the mother of the groom, you have little to no say-so in the wedding. Some people would argue that if you are footing some of the bill that you do have a right to express your opinion and have some things your way. As a wedding dj and consultant, I'm telling you that you don't.

Unless your son's fiancé asks for your opinion, do not give it! Don't even let your son in on your true thoughts about his bride-elect or the wedding that is to come. Mother-in-law relationships can get quite messy. Give them the best possible start by being quietly supportive.

Another good quality for a groom's mom to have is flexibility. If the schedule says to be a certain place at a certain time and the bride changes her mind five minutes prior, go with it! You and I both know what a major disaster this can lead to, but in the end, it doesn't matter. No mishaps are ever blamed on the mother of the groom unless she has been loudly unsupportive.

Avoid being passive aggressive as well. By this, I mean don't neglect a time schedule just to get back at your son or his fiancé. Don't accidentally spill any substance on anyone or anything to make any kind point.

Focus your attention during the week prior to the wedding on taking care of your out of town guests. Planning welcome baskets for hotel rooms and day-after brunches can take your mind off of those wedding aspects with which you do not agree. In regards to your out of town guests, it is best to keep your opinions to yourself again. You don't want people pitying the bride on her wedding day because of the mess she is getting into with her future mother-in-law. Believe me, the overlooked details you are dying to dish about will be very obvious to your guests. Better to take the high road on this one!

As this final week comes and goes, try to think of ways to improve your relationship with your sons betrothed. If you already have a good relationship, stay out of the way so that you don't cause any last minute tensions. If you don't have a good relationship, I suggest writing your daughter-in-law a letter wishing her the best and assuring her that you are glad she will be a part of your family (even if you aren't). Respecting your son and his bride are the most important gifts you can give them at their wedding.

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