Over the years of planning weddings I heard so many parents, friends and wedding party members argue over what should be done for someone else’s wedding.
It would just floor me. It’s not their wedding! Why are they getting so personal about how something like food that is being served, and décor or the timing of something, when the final say should come from the couple.
And it doesn’t matter who is paying for the wedding.
When someone uses “money” as a form of blackmail or as a guilt trip it’s a form of manipulation to control the outcome they want.
The wedding is and foremost about the couple. Not the parents. Not the friends or a member of the wedding party.
From the time a couple says “yes” to “I do” it’s a testament to how they will be as a couple in their marriage.
If they can’t plan a wedding together because everyone else’s “wants and desires” must be integrated, then what does that teach a couple?
Down the road, will you allow those same people to interfere and control your relationship?
The wedding planning is for you, the couple, to express who you are. How and what happens, is entirely up to you. This stage is so important to a couples growth in their relationship.
The communication that a couple goes through during the wedding planning allows the couple to grow together. Acquiring skills, as a couple, that you can use later in your marriage when “speed bumps” show up.
Or how I like to look at these “speed bumps” as a shift from an old stage to a new one, if you allow yourself and you as a couple to grow in a healthy manner. Your letting go of something that no longer serves you and making room for the “new” you desire.
If you are constantly going to a mother or a bridesmaid for advice, rather than your spouse-to- be, then you will repeat this when the first issue with money, bills, or a parenting issue arises. Instead of running to each other you are setting a pattern to run to, someone external, for help.
Establishing boundaries and expectations of everyone’s roles, who is a part of your wedding day will help in eliminating “advice givers” stepping in where they don’t belong.
A wedding planner usually does a great job of controlling this for couples. Those who don’t hire a wedding planner skip this step and pay for it later with arguments and mixed emotions happening at every turn in the planning.
Have you avoided forward movement in your planning? or
Gave up your own power and let the other’s walk all over you, until you please them?
That can be avoided when the right boundaries and expectations are established.
Did you set those boundaries? If not what is one boundary can you begin to put in place to help you, right now?
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